A Night in Sihanoukville

It's been cloudy and raining here on Koh Tao.

I was sitting here at the office, doing nothing but feeling sleepy.

My iTunes randomly played The Duprees' " You Belong To Me".

Kinda reminds me of a night I had in Sihanoukville.

It was stormy and I couldn't do anything except sleeping and whinning and bitching about the weather.

Cambodia turned sucks to me.

I was laying down in my bed, doing nothing, getting bored.

It started to drizzle a bit then the rain poured down heavily afterwards.

Put on some music and the Duprees was kinda nailing' my ears.

How how it felt so good but it seems so bad.

oh how I long for this Sinville feeling

Rehab

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"  
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know   
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine  
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

                                                                            Amy Winehouse - Rehab

My friends told me what Amy's told her.
Do it, do it, do it
But I didn't say "no, no, no" just like Amy did. I said, "Hmmm... I dunno"


Now I know why I should follow my friend(s?) said
Cause it might be good
So now I'm doing it
Cause I feel it's therapeuthic

Beephydrinate

*messages*

*compose message*

*insert number*

*texting*

*send*

**** 3 mins, 5 mins, 7 mins, 10 mins***

Beep!! Beep!!

"Oh, got the reply"

*checking*

"Oh, from TrueMove. Can't even read it"


Beep!! Beep!!

"Oh! who's texting on the messenger?"

*checking*

"Oh, it's a broadcast message"


***35 mins passed***


Tring!! Tring!!

"Oh, incoming email"

*checking*

"Oh yeah, another spam"

"kay, let's check on things on facebook"

*login*

" Ah, new notification"
"Oh, just the Sims Social invitation"
"Alright, let's check on Plurk or Couchsurfing"

*firefox crashed*

"Dang! okay, I'll check on my phone"

*blackberry jammed, white screen*

"This is crap"

"Alright, I'm off to Fishbowl, grab some beers and muttaba at Ali's afterwards"

"Shit, got only 300 baht. Too little to dehydrate, too much hassle to rehydrate the morning after"

*thinking*

*think harder*

"That's it, too long for a night. Skip it. I am getting my diminhydrinate"

Ctrl A + Del + Ctrl S = Done

This evening I saw my fellow @ryanbatchin's tweet, "No pause, no rewind, no fast forward, that's life!".
I kinda recall all the things that my friends said about how we can control our life. They are really wondering if we can sort all the things that we had been through in our life, delete all the bad memories, and save all the good ones. Hmmm... at first I sense this thoughts are just mechanical and too selfish to be practiced.
Imagine, some people take their life for granted no matter how sucks their lives are. They're just getting through it, no complains no bitch. But some people just can't handle it and want to throw all those things away from their life and keep all the good things to remember for their own happiness. I know I sound so judgmental  about this but it's just quite dissonant to me. Like, why are you guys hoping your brains work like hard disks and manage it as if you're fixing your files and folders on your desktop? and why do you wanna make your life as simple as that for the sake of your happiness?? Life should be more complicated than that and you should be hard on it.

Hmm.. That's what I thought before. Now I've been thinking that maybe it might be awesome when you have this kind of self mechanism of memory managing. You can, again, sort out things you wanna keep or throw away, then you can be happy for doing it. Though I'm still doubtful if we are happy enough with that, but at least it would loosen up your life a bit. If we could do this, maybe there will be no trauma, no haunting shadows, no baggage, and no worries. How easy life could be and how happy and peaceful our minds we have.

You know, we actually have this kinda mechanism. Though it's completely different, but it works pretty similar to some extent. People end up drinking somewhere on the corner of the bar alone and being wasted, some people just fuck around other people, some are just taking xanax to chill, some are taking dimenhydrinate to be nauseous then sleep like a bear in the winter. They, myself included, do this just to get over things and find their escapism. Well, we may say it could be the way of memory management but it's just no same.

You may end up drunk and forgot about things, but the morning after you feel like shit and dunk your head into the john and you might feel even worse than you were cause those things you wanna get rid off are still stuck in your brain, plus you are so fucked up now.
You were probably in your place after bangin' your crotch to someone's whom you didn't even know his/her name but after you get your limp back, you are back to what you were.
You might be chillin after the xanax work on your nerves but you're gonna be one of the things to be forgotten on someone's mind.
You might be having the best sleep in your life after the dime tabs shut your eyes down but when you are awake, you'll be same same no different.

After all I'm talking, I am still wondering if we could have the function buttons in our minds to manage all the memories that we want to keep or dump. Life could be too plain and easy, but it could make me happy. If we could do that, I won't get rid off the bad memories only, but also good ones cause sometime the good ones could be even worse to remember.
Done.

Giving Everything Away For Free

I'm gonna build a raft and set it on the water there
Hoping she will come, see the thing I made
What a thing I made

Today I'm gonna sail even if she doesn't show
The ocean can decide, love is like a wave
Love would never fail

Hope she gets here soon
I hope she isn't far away
But if she is, I'll sail anyway

Everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

And when I'm out at sea, I'm gonna write a song for her
I'll sing accross the bay, hoping she will hear
Hoping she will hear

I think she's in her car and just above the motorway
To hear my serenade reckoning her near
Reckoning her near

And then she's gonna swill
I didn't build my raft in vain
But if I did, we'll both drown anyway

'Cause everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free
Giving everything away for free, free

Drown me, it'll stop the pain, if my love's in vain
'Cause I knew, I knew she'd never come
'Cause she couldn't bear the ocean
She couldn't stand the waves

So everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

Daniel Merriweather

[___________________]

When you read, you wanna write.
When you write, you might be thinking.

Geez how many times I've been pressing the backspace and delete buttons?
Oh, how I really lose insights.

Cigarette

I wasn't gonna drink tonight,
then I went to a bar,
I wasn't gonna start that fight,
but they pushed me way too far,
and oh
but you would never know,
but you would never know,

I wasn't gonna watch a game,
Now I'm shouting at the bar,
I check my phone and saw your name,
So I must have missed your call,
I wasn't gonna place that bet,
But they said he'd take the fall,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
But I don't smoke at all.
But you would never know,
But you would never know,

When I was out having fun,
I was outta line,
When I thought I was staying young,
I was staying out of my mind,
Life is like an old cassette that you can't rewind,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And it happens all the time,
But you would never know,
And oh
But you would never know.

Love and sex and T.V. sets,
I never left my room,
I used to speak in all regret,
Maybe I spoke to soon,
I thought that I did my best,
Now I know that isn't true,
Cause my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And they used to smell like you.

Cigarette - Daniel Merriweather