Ctrl A + Del + Ctrl S = Done

This evening I saw my fellow @ryanbatchin's tweet, "No pause, no rewind, no fast forward, that's life!".
I kinda recall all the things that my friends said about how we can control our life. They are really wondering if we can sort all the things that we had been through in our life, delete all the bad memories, and save all the good ones. Hmmm... at first I sense this thoughts are just mechanical and too selfish to be practiced.
Imagine, some people take their life for granted no matter how sucks their lives are. They're just getting through it, no complains no bitch. But some people just can't handle it and want to throw all those things away from their life and keep all the good things to remember for their own happiness. I know I sound so judgmental  about this but it's just quite dissonant to me. Like, why are you guys hoping your brains work like hard disks and manage it as if you're fixing your files and folders on your desktop? and why do you wanna make your life as simple as that for the sake of your happiness?? Life should be more complicated than that and you should be hard on it.

Hmm.. That's what I thought before. Now I've been thinking that maybe it might be awesome when you have this kind of self mechanism of memory managing. You can, again, sort out things you wanna keep or throw away, then you can be happy for doing it. Though I'm still doubtful if we are happy enough with that, but at least it would loosen up your life a bit. If we could do this, maybe there will be no trauma, no haunting shadows, no baggage, and no worries. How easy life could be and how happy and peaceful our minds we have.

You know, we actually have this kinda mechanism. Though it's completely different, but it works pretty similar to some extent. People end up drinking somewhere on the corner of the bar alone and being wasted, some people just fuck around other people, some are just taking xanax to chill, some are taking dimenhydrinate to be nauseous then sleep like a bear in the winter. They, myself included, do this just to get over things and find their escapism. Well, we may say it could be the way of memory management but it's just no same.

You may end up drunk and forgot about things, but the morning after you feel like shit and dunk your head into the john and you might feel even worse than you were cause those things you wanna get rid off are still stuck in your brain, plus you are so fucked up now.
You were probably in your place after bangin' your crotch to someone's whom you didn't even know his/her name but after you get your limp back, you are back to what you were.
You might be chillin after the xanax work on your nerves but you're gonna be one of the things to be forgotten on someone's mind.
You might be having the best sleep in your life after the dime tabs shut your eyes down but when you are awake, you'll be same same no different.

After all I'm talking, I am still wondering if we could have the function buttons in our minds to manage all the memories that we want to keep or dump. Life could be too plain and easy, but it could make me happy. If we could do that, I won't get rid off the bad memories only, but also good ones cause sometime the good ones could be even worse to remember.
Done.

Giving Everything Away For Free

I'm gonna build a raft and set it on the water there
Hoping she will come, see the thing I made
What a thing I made

Today I'm gonna sail even if she doesn't show
The ocean can decide, love is like a wave
Love would never fail

Hope she gets here soon
I hope she isn't far away
But if she is, I'll sail anyway

Everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

And when I'm out at sea, I'm gonna write a song for her
I'll sing accross the bay, hoping she will hear
Hoping she will hear

I think she's in her car and just above the motorway
To hear my serenade reckoning her near
Reckoning her near

And then she's gonna swill
I didn't build my raft in vain
But if I did, we'll both drown anyway

'Cause everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free
Giving everything away for free, free

Drown me, it'll stop the pain, if my love's in vain
'Cause I knew, I knew she'd never come
'Cause she couldn't bear the ocean
She couldn't stand the waves

So everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

Daniel Merriweather

[___________________]

When you read, you wanna write.
When you write, you might be thinking.

Geez how many times I've been pressing the backspace and delete buttons?
Oh, how I really lose insights.

Cigarette

I wasn't gonna drink tonight,
then I went to a bar,
I wasn't gonna start that fight,
but they pushed me way too far,
and oh
but you would never know,
but you would never know,

I wasn't gonna watch a game,
Now I'm shouting at the bar,
I check my phone and saw your name,
So I must have missed your call,
I wasn't gonna place that bet,
But they said he'd take the fall,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
But I don't smoke at all.
But you would never know,
But you would never know,

When I was out having fun,
I was outta line,
When I thought I was staying young,
I was staying out of my mind,
Life is like an old cassette that you can't rewind,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And it happens all the time,
But you would never know,
And oh
But you would never know.

Love and sex and T.V. sets,
I never left my room,
I used to speak in all regret,
Maybe I spoke to soon,
I thought that I did my best,
Now I know that isn't true,
Cause my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And they used to smell like you.

Cigarette - Daniel Merriweather

Wandering around in a space from old times, Georgetown

After almost 2 months working here with the hazzle dazzle of visa issues, I managed myself on my non-immigrant visa to work. I was expecting my boss my send me back to Jakarta and stay there for a couple of days for it. But he has his own plan: he sent me to Penang, Malaysia to work on my visa there. I promised myself not to step my feet on Malay land for the sake of my personal political view. But oh well, it's Penang and it has attracted me before since I planned to see it. Let's just say it's a traveling for free concealed with the "business trip" mask.

I planned to stay in Georgetown, an old heritage city protected by UNESCO. Have a little knowledge about this island and its historical sites, then I think, "I will love this place".
And this city is not even overrated. Everything is so preserved. I love it. I took a long walk to the city center in the night and it's stunning. I have a huge thing on historical places so you can feel my excitement here. Wandered around the streets in the night, looking at the lines of the house-store, old buildings. It's splendid.

What I like the most about this town is: it is well-preserved and the government there make the area look like what it should be. They make the town as it used to be. It is a hot spot for tourist, but it's not so eager to please. The people here live just like us, they do their stuff. They are not eager to please nor begging them for a cent, like many other touristic places.

I presumed the buildings were built in the 18th-19th century. The architecture style knocked me off my feet. I kinda feel the building and its atmosphere were kinda different than Kota Tua Jakarta and District 1 Ho Chi Minh City, though the "old" atmosphere is pretty much same. Unlike Jakarta whose most of the building are Dutch colonial art deco style, Georgetown is fulfilled with the Sino-Portuguese style, especially the house-store. It reminds me of Phuket Town. And the buildings are more like Brittish kinda style?? I am not sure cause I don't know much about architecture and now I sound sound douchy.

Wandering around Georgetown brings me to feel the pace of old time romance. Every streets has its own stories. The Love Lane, is know as the street where the rich Chinese men keeping their mistress away from their wives. And the famous Penang street, it lies a long and winding stories about the city and the people who are and were living in. There are Indians, Chinese, Malays, Javanese, Achenese, Minangs, Armenians, Jewish, Arabs, and Europeans were living together centuries ago. Looking at the complexity of the people, multiracial society living in a town and bring their culture into a unique fusion.The peranakan, also known as Baba-Nyonya, are the most perfect example of the culture fusion that Penang has. It is so damn unique, even for people who live in multicultural society like me.

Visiting Penang makes me wonder about Malaysian urban history and their culture. It contributes me how to appreciate this country, apart from the stereotype and personal-political views towards this nation.

Roll the Dice, Can You?

We always spend good times with friends and family playing monopoly or other board games. We roll the dice(s) to determine how many steps we can take.
When we were in college, we roll the dice to play stupid drinking games all night long and we ended up sleeping on poolside somewhere in Legian. We didn't know how many times we rolled the dice until we threw up and fucked up.
Zillions of people are coming to Genting, Macau, Monte Carlo, or the infamous Las Vegas just to try their luck on gambling. They roll the dice. They might get tons of chips, or they might be penniless till they can't even afford to pay the parking lot.

We all know that the dice is cube-shaped thing that we often use for playing games. It has 6 sides with dot(s) on every side, from one to six. It plays big roles in every games you're playing. When you roll it you know that either you win, or lose. You know it.
Do you wonder how it's gonna be if there are some kinds of dices that have different shapes like ones that we mostly know? How it's gonna be if there's a pyramid-shape dice whose only 5 sides rolling for the game? How does it roll?

Imagine this: There are 5... oh no, 4 dices in a glass. 3 dices are just normal dice we know, and another one is a weird-shaped. How can we roll 'em? how can the dices show numbers we bet on a game? How can the weird-shaped dice roll like the normal ones? How can the dices roll inside the glass before the dice roller swing 'em out? Does the weird-shaped one affect the way of other normal dices roll? If we put the dices together and roll em, how can they determine the games? How can we win the monopoly? How many chips we can get in Vegas? How many times we need to roll them to fuck ourselves up on the poolside? I am just wondering.

Siem Reap : Buckets of Excitement and the Majestic Angkor

I finally get a chance to continue my travel notes again, kinda afraid the notes just end up in Saigon.
After spending 6 days in Saigon, we finally continue the journey to the next point. After hours of deliberating, we decided to chose Siem Reap, Cambodia, as the second stop. I was more to scared than excited about the next destination. Hearing Cambodia, there's nothing more than Khmer Rouge, genocide, crimes, and all the bad things. For me, it's like Africa in South East Asia. With only Wikitravel-knowledge, we continue the journey to Cambodia, the Kingdom of Wonders.

It took about 6,5 hours from Saigon to Phnom Penh (we transit here and change the transportation to Siem Reap) by bus continued 6 hours traveling by minibus. The excitement was still rushing through my blood. "Damn, I'm in Cambodia and I don't know any shit about this country.But oh, well.. the journey is still ongoing." I had no imagination about the country nor its cities. Kinda imagined Siem Reap is just like Magelang and Borobudur. Really have no idea how Siem Reap was until we get there by evening.



The capital of Angkor impressed me a lot. The village image in my mind has suddenly vanished by the Siem Reap River, numbers of fancy hotels, museums, cafes, restaurants, and various travelers. We hit Pub Street for the first time for dinner. Once again, I was stunned by the numbers of bars, restaurants, pubs, guest houses, and amazing travelers around the world. Pub Street, the central area for backpackers here, was so lively. This is the place where the hype of music, great foods, and amazing people collide. We hit Angkor What? Bar for a couple of beers and try to absorb the atmosphere of the town. I was feeling good. I felt like a real traveler here (hey, I'm in the middle of Cambodia where nobody in Indo knows any shit about this country). The people, both the locals and travelers were so amazing. I didn't need any efforts to get along with people here. Just sit back, lit my cigarette, and enjoy myself then people will come to you and ask, "What kinda cigarette are you smoking?" then one thing led to another.
I nailed it. An English ask me the question, smoked my cigarette, and the conversation begun after we dragged our table to Tom (the English) and friend's table. Meeting other travelers always been amazing for me. We had so much fun, we talked, we shared stories, and we did stupid stuff. Couple of beers turned out to couple of buckets of liquors, and sitting at the bar had turned out to be partying in a club.

The night was getting crazier. We move from Angkor What? to the club (forgot the name). We're kinda high because of the beer and the buckets but we didn't want to miss the birthday cake. We suddenly forgot about our tomorrow's plans (wake up early morning to catch sunrise in Angkor Wat) and party hard. I feel like we're a bunch of monkeys came out of their cage. We lost our minds and just had fun before went back to the guesthouse in the morning and died.

We canceled the Angkor sunrise plan and chose to wake up in the afternoon. The day in Siem Reap was so silent due to the Buddhist celebration. Stores were closed, only a few of restaurants were still open. Maybe it was silent because many of travelers were outside the city for trekking and stuff while the other were maybe just like us, too "tired" to wake up. Since we changed the plans, we had to reorganize our plans here. We planned to go to floating village in Tonle Sap Lake in the afternoon, continued by shopping souvenirs for friends and family in night market, the morning after we'll go to Angkor and we leave for Sihanoukville in the evening.... and the planned was changed again...



We went to Tonle Sap lake to see the floating village. The lake was HUGE. For a person who have never been to Danau Toba, Tonle Sap was very large. Filled with deltas, swamps, mangroves, and wide horizon. For a zillion times, I was stunned by the lake. Not to mention the village, the people live here traditionally. The lake is inhabited by the Khmer, Vietnamese, and small numbers of Lao. Kinda reminded me of "orang perahu". We continue the activity by shopping at the night market for souvenir. After we bought some kroma, t-shirts, and stuff, --again-- we ended up in Angkor What? bar. We promised ourselves that we won't drink too much cause we had to wake up early in the morning to catch the sunrise in Angkor Wat. We had no more days here, so no more other options. We kept our promise, to wake up early in the morning for Angkor...... with some "adjustments", but we couldn't keep our promise to have only a couple of beers and one bucket to.... liters of beers and uncountable buckets..



The second night was as awesome as the first. We met some of the guys from yesterday and met new people. Again, we had amazing times with the Canadian yeye girls, and Summer. There's a funny story about her. We met her at Angkor What? and she was excited when she knew we're from Indo. We found out that she's an American who teach in AIS in Jakarta. Turns out, she was my students' teacher (I used to work as academic tutor). And turns out, she lives in Pejaten. What a small world were living in.
Anyway, the night is getting crazier as the crowd were getting more exited. We finished many beer towers, and uncountable communal buckets. Randy, Dian, and I was so drunk that night, but we didn't give any damn about everything. All we did was mumbling, self-disclosing, and did pointless talk. We went back home in the morning, again. I have to say, I was so fucked up. I usually drink a lot and always be driven, so I never been fucked up before. But that night was overwhelming. I reached my point, and I have to admit that I was totally drunk. I ended up the night by throwing up in the front of my room at 3am in the morning. Seriously, I've never been so fucked up before, and then I was throwing out all the things in my stomach. But oh, well first time being fucked up in the middle of nowhere in Cambodia was AWESOME.


I dragged myself out of my room at 5.30 to tuktuk, catching up the sunrise. I still have the hangover. I felt like my head as big as Big Ben, my eyes were burning, but i have no more time to skip Angkor. Well, the effort showed a great result. Angkor Wat is Majestic! it's beautiful. with the Baray (lake) and all the temples. Angkor is massive, great, unlike typical candi in Indo. The sunrise was amazingly beautiful with the bright blue skies after it. It was thrilling me. Still trying to make myself look okay, I was stunned by all the things i saw. Watching the sunrise while you were still under influence of alcohol was the best hangover I've ever had. After watching the sunrise, we moved to other temples. Again, I was amazed by everything I saw here. Angkor was underrated, now I truly believe what people say about this historical site. I saw what I saw on National Geographic. It was awesome. I have to agree that Angkor named for The Kingdom of Wonder.

We didn't want to do anything after visiting Angkor except sleeping. We were so exhausted after everything we had done here. We really need to sleep before we leave for Sihanoukville in the evening. We had to forget our will to sleep cause when we were back to the guesthouse, Kosal (the owner of the guesthouse) invited us to come to his house in the countryside. We couldn't refuse it since it was Buddhist holiday that day and we thought we need to show some respect for him. We skip our sleep plan and went to Kosal's home in the country side, which is only 5 minutes away from the city (wtf! a countryside which is only minutes away from the city??!! gimme a break). He hosted us and Dave (the American guy who was also staying at his Guesthouse) at his "warung" with Khmer chicken barbecue and... cans of Angkor Beer and a bottle of local whiskey. Oh God!! I am so done with the drinks! But I drank it to appreciate him (yearright!) we had great conversation there at his place.



The day hadn't over yet before Dave invited us to continue the conversation at his "penthouse". The penthouse he mentioned was the rooftop of the guesthouse. There was a regulation for people here in Siem Reap to build no more than 4-stories building. the rooftop was on the 4,5 floor, so it was the highest point of Siem Reap. We can see the city view of Siem Reap in 360 by standing on the rooftop. We gladly accepted the invitation and -AGAIN- we changed the plan by canceling the night bus and move to Sihanoukville the day after. We went back to the guest house and going to the top of the building. Turned out, the "penthouse" was the base of BTS tower, it was definitely the top of the building. It only fits for 7 people, it has no fences. So if you fell off, you'll end up in the grave yard. The view was great, though we just only saw small town, it was kinda awesome since we were on the top of Siem Reap. Pub streets and the temples can be seen here. The conversation continued, so did the whiskeys. Dave bought us bottles of local whiskey, and I was like shit. I hadn't done with my hangover yet and then I had to sip another whiskey? I feel my liver was gonna blow up. We were on a high, literally and figuratively, and struggled to stay in the middle of the tower so that we won't fall. It was definitely awesome. Note: being drunk on the top of BTS tower is not cool at all.
After struggling to get sober, we ended up the day by having dinner and sleep.

Siem Reap was AMAZING for me in every ways. I love it here and I have to say this is one of my favorite place during my trip. I definitely will go back there..


Take a look at what I saw here