A Night in Sihanoukville

It's been cloudy and raining here on Koh Tao.

I was sitting here at the office, doing nothing but feeling sleepy.

My iTunes randomly played The Duprees' " You Belong To Me".

Kinda reminds me of a night I had in Sihanoukville.

It was stormy and I couldn't do anything except sleeping and whinning and bitching about the weather.

Cambodia turned sucks to me.

I was laying down in my bed, doing nothing, getting bored.

It started to drizzle a bit then the rain poured down heavily afterwards.

Put on some music and the Duprees was kinda nailing' my ears.

How how it felt so good but it seems so bad.

oh how I long for this Sinville feeling

Rehab

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"  
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know   
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine  
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

                                                                            Amy Winehouse - Rehab

My friends told me what Amy's told her.
Do it, do it, do it
But I didn't say "no, no, no" just like Amy did. I said, "Hmmm... I dunno"


Now I know why I should follow my friend(s?) said
Cause it might be good
So now I'm doing it
Cause I feel it's therapeuthic

Beephydrinate

*messages*

*compose message*

*insert number*

*texting*

*send*

**** 3 mins, 5 mins, 7 mins, 10 mins***

Beep!! Beep!!

"Oh, got the reply"

*checking*

"Oh, from TrueMove. Can't even read it"


Beep!! Beep!!

"Oh! who's texting on the messenger?"

*checking*

"Oh, it's a broadcast message"


***35 mins passed***


Tring!! Tring!!

"Oh, incoming email"

*checking*

"Oh yeah, another spam"

"kay, let's check on things on facebook"

*login*

" Ah, new notification"
"Oh, just the Sims Social invitation"
"Alright, let's check on Plurk or Couchsurfing"

*firefox crashed*

"Dang! okay, I'll check on my phone"

*blackberry jammed, white screen*

"This is crap"

"Alright, I'm off to Fishbowl, grab some beers and muttaba at Ali's afterwards"

"Shit, got only 300 baht. Too little to dehydrate, too much hassle to rehydrate the morning after"

*thinking*

*think harder*

"That's it, too long for a night. Skip it. I am getting my diminhydrinate"

Ctrl A + Del + Ctrl S = Done

This evening I saw my fellow @ryanbatchin's tweet, "No pause, no rewind, no fast forward, that's life!".
I kinda recall all the things that my friends said about how we can control our life. They are really wondering if we can sort all the things that we had been through in our life, delete all the bad memories, and save all the good ones. Hmmm... at first I sense this thoughts are just mechanical and too selfish to be practiced.
Imagine, some people take their life for granted no matter how sucks their lives are. They're just getting through it, no complains no bitch. But some people just can't handle it and want to throw all those things away from their life and keep all the good things to remember for their own happiness. I know I sound so judgmental  about this but it's just quite dissonant to me. Like, why are you guys hoping your brains work like hard disks and manage it as if you're fixing your files and folders on your desktop? and why do you wanna make your life as simple as that for the sake of your happiness?? Life should be more complicated than that and you should be hard on it.

Hmm.. That's what I thought before. Now I've been thinking that maybe it might be awesome when you have this kind of self mechanism of memory managing. You can, again, sort out things you wanna keep or throw away, then you can be happy for doing it. Though I'm still doubtful if we are happy enough with that, but at least it would loosen up your life a bit. If we could do this, maybe there will be no trauma, no haunting shadows, no baggage, and no worries. How easy life could be and how happy and peaceful our minds we have.

You know, we actually have this kinda mechanism. Though it's completely different, but it works pretty similar to some extent. People end up drinking somewhere on the corner of the bar alone and being wasted, some people just fuck around other people, some are just taking xanax to chill, some are taking dimenhydrinate to be nauseous then sleep like a bear in the winter. They, myself included, do this just to get over things and find their escapism. Well, we may say it could be the way of memory management but it's just no same.

You may end up drunk and forgot about things, but the morning after you feel like shit and dunk your head into the john and you might feel even worse than you were cause those things you wanna get rid off are still stuck in your brain, plus you are so fucked up now.
You were probably in your place after bangin' your crotch to someone's whom you didn't even know his/her name but after you get your limp back, you are back to what you were.
You might be chillin after the xanax work on your nerves but you're gonna be one of the things to be forgotten on someone's mind.
You might be having the best sleep in your life after the dime tabs shut your eyes down but when you are awake, you'll be same same no different.

After all I'm talking, I am still wondering if we could have the function buttons in our minds to manage all the memories that we want to keep or dump. Life could be too plain and easy, but it could make me happy. If we could do that, I won't get rid off the bad memories only, but also good ones cause sometime the good ones could be even worse to remember.
Done.

Giving Everything Away For Free

I'm gonna build a raft and set it on the water there
Hoping she will come, see the thing I made
What a thing I made

Today I'm gonna sail even if she doesn't show
The ocean can decide, love is like a wave
Love would never fail

Hope she gets here soon
I hope she isn't far away
But if she is, I'll sail anyway

Everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

And when I'm out at sea, I'm gonna write a song for her
I'll sing accross the bay, hoping she will hear
Hoping she will hear

I think she's in her car and just above the motorway
To hear my serenade reckoning her near
Reckoning her near

And then she's gonna swill
I didn't build my raft in vain
But if I did, we'll both drown anyway

'Cause everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free
Giving everything away for free, free

Drown me, it'll stop the pain, if my love's in vain
'Cause I knew, I knew she'd never come
'Cause she couldn't bear the ocean
She couldn't stand the waves

So everyday that I love her I kill myself
It happens over and over, there's no one else
And I try to forget her but look at me
Giving everything away for free

Daniel Merriweather

[___________________]

When you read, you wanna write.
When you write, you might be thinking.

Geez how many times I've been pressing the backspace and delete buttons?
Oh, how I really lose insights.

Cigarette

I wasn't gonna drink tonight,
then I went to a bar,
I wasn't gonna start that fight,
but they pushed me way too far,
and oh
but you would never know,
but you would never know,

I wasn't gonna watch a game,
Now I'm shouting at the bar,
I check my phone and saw your name,
So I must have missed your call,
I wasn't gonna place that bet,
But they said he'd take the fall,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
But I don't smoke at all.
But you would never know,
But you would never know,

When I was out having fun,
I was outta line,
When I thought I was staying young,
I was staying out of my mind,
Life is like an old cassette that you can't rewind,
Now my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And it happens all the time,
But you would never know,
And oh
But you would never know.

Love and sex and T.V. sets,
I never left my room,
I used to speak in all regret,
Maybe I spoke to soon,
I thought that I did my best,
Now I know that isn't true,
Cause my clothes smell like cigarettes,
And they used to smell like you.

Cigarette - Daniel Merriweather

Wandering around in a space from old times, Georgetown

After almost 2 months working here with the hazzle dazzle of visa issues, I managed myself on my non-immigrant visa to work. I was expecting my boss my send me back to Jakarta and stay there for a couple of days for it. But he has his own plan: he sent me to Penang, Malaysia to work on my visa there. I promised myself not to step my feet on Malay land for the sake of my personal political view. But oh well, it's Penang and it has attracted me before since I planned to see it. Let's just say it's a traveling for free concealed with the "business trip" mask.

I planned to stay in Georgetown, an old heritage city protected by UNESCO. Have a little knowledge about this island and its historical sites, then I think, "I will love this place".
And this city is not even overrated. Everything is so preserved. I love it. I took a long walk to the city center in the night and it's stunning. I have a huge thing on historical places so you can feel my excitement here. Wandered around the streets in the night, looking at the lines of the house-store, old buildings. It's splendid.

What I like the most about this town is: it is well-preserved and the government there make the area look like what it should be. They make the town as it used to be. It is a hot spot for tourist, but it's not so eager to please. The people here live just like us, they do their stuff. They are not eager to please nor begging them for a cent, like many other touristic places.

I presumed the buildings were built in the 18th-19th century. The architecture style knocked me off my feet. I kinda feel the building and its atmosphere were kinda different than Kota Tua Jakarta and District 1 Ho Chi Minh City, though the "old" atmosphere is pretty much same. Unlike Jakarta whose most of the building are Dutch colonial art deco style, Georgetown is fulfilled with the Sino-Portuguese style, especially the house-store. It reminds me of Phuket Town. And the buildings are more like Brittish kinda style?? I am not sure cause I don't know much about architecture and now I sound sound douchy.

Wandering around Georgetown brings me to feel the pace of old time romance. Every streets has its own stories. The Love Lane, is know as the street where the rich Chinese men keeping their mistress away from their wives. And the famous Penang street, it lies a long and winding stories about the city and the people who are and were living in. There are Indians, Chinese, Malays, Javanese, Achenese, Minangs, Armenians, Jewish, Arabs, and Europeans were living together centuries ago. Looking at the complexity of the people, multiracial society living in a town and bring their culture into a unique fusion.The peranakan, also known as Baba-Nyonya, are the most perfect example of the culture fusion that Penang has. It is so damn unique, even for people who live in multicultural society like me.

Visiting Penang makes me wonder about Malaysian urban history and their culture. It contributes me how to appreciate this country, apart from the stereotype and personal-political views towards this nation.

Roll the Dice, Can You?

We always spend good times with friends and family playing monopoly or other board games. We roll the dice(s) to determine how many steps we can take.
When we were in college, we roll the dice to play stupid drinking games all night long and we ended up sleeping on poolside somewhere in Legian. We didn't know how many times we rolled the dice until we threw up and fucked up.
Zillions of people are coming to Genting, Macau, Monte Carlo, or the infamous Las Vegas just to try their luck on gambling. They roll the dice. They might get tons of chips, or they might be penniless till they can't even afford to pay the parking lot.

We all know that the dice is cube-shaped thing that we often use for playing games. It has 6 sides with dot(s) on every side, from one to six. It plays big roles in every games you're playing. When you roll it you know that either you win, or lose. You know it.
Do you wonder how it's gonna be if there are some kinds of dices that have different shapes like ones that we mostly know? How it's gonna be if there's a pyramid-shape dice whose only 5 sides rolling for the game? How does it roll?

Imagine this: There are 5... oh no, 4 dices in a glass. 3 dices are just normal dice we know, and another one is a weird-shaped. How can we roll 'em? how can the dices show numbers we bet on a game? How can the weird-shaped dice roll like the normal ones? How can the dices roll inside the glass before the dice roller swing 'em out? Does the weird-shaped one affect the way of other normal dices roll? If we put the dices together and roll em, how can they determine the games? How can we win the monopoly? How many chips we can get in Vegas? How many times we need to roll them to fuck ourselves up on the poolside? I am just wondering.